sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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