There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
