i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
