Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
