I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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