How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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