i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
