woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
