no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
