I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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