u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
