if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
