she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
