Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
