the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize