Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
