If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
