Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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