For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
