If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
