you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
