So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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