Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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