Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
