I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
