I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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