lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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