He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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