Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
