If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
