Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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