He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
