Tell her she can't have a vagina
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize