I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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