i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize