I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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