dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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