Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
