I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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