it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
