Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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