my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize