Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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