Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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