also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize