Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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