so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
