I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
