dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
