i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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