i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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