Already got asked if we're dating
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize