Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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