I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
