The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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