We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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