Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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