She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize