Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
