i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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