I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
