2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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