Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
