i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
