I hate your face
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
