I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
