i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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