remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
