whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
