and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
