I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
