I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
