Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize