I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
