well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
