My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
