UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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