Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
