I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
