This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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