Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
