i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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