so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
