Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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