Im at strip club and am horny
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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