so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
