I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
