i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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