He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
