Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
