he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
