The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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