I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
