If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
