Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
