Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
