There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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