bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
