You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
