Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So squirting runs in the family.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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