people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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