I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
