i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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