We're like a lot better than the average bears
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
