And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
