If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
