if you like me you must not know who I am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
