He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
