I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
