apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
